Good in the Big Ten is Like Being The Hottest Chick in Reno…

Dan and I have been texting some funny crap back and forth recently.

On a random one he said that Wisconsin was “Stomping Hapless Fools” in the Big Ten, and of course he meant their wimpier opponents like Illinois. Ha ha ha I think that is the three word quote of the year.

We were going back and forth about our favorite games, and I said that one of my favorites was where Michigan wanted to play with the “big boys” and they scheduled that early season game against Alabama at a neutral site. Not only was Alabama “stomping those hapless fools” of Michigan, they were physically crushing and injuring the best Michigan players, ruining them even for the pathetic level of competition that is the Big Ten. Ha ha ha. I was at a restaurant in Door County on vacation for Labor Day when this happened and I was happily shouting my joy at the screen to the chagrin of random patrons nearby. It was awesome.

This came to mind as we were talking about the matchup between LSU and Wisconsin at a neutral site, and the fact that Wisconsin (unlike Illinois) is doing all the right things to become a “division zero” team including acquiring stone criminals and running up the score on everyone. However, this is still no match for the brutal gladiator-like combat of the SEC (and parts of the ACC and others) and Dan and I believe that LSU, a five point favorite, will beat up Wisconsin similarly (but probably not as badly) as ‘Bama rolled over the Wolverines.

I said that “Being Good in the Big Ten is like Being Hot in Reno” meaning, hey, that’s nice in a relative sense but don’t try to play with the big boys.

Another great back and forth is the continuing failure of Ron Turner at FIU. Ha ha ha. We can’t get enough. Actually that school used to have a good program out of nothing and would have crushed Illinois when they were ranked so it isn’t the school or its immense (potential) talent base of illiterate local Florida criminals who hold a pencil like it is the handle of an axe, just Mr. Turner that is wrecking it all. They are currently the UNDERDOGS of a DIVISION TWO school for their opening game. HA HA HA.

Damn if we only had relegation they’d be in division 2. Of course can’t say that too loudly Illinois might be there, too.

Norv Turner

Over here at Fire Everybody we have a long abiding passion for hating terrible Ron Turner and I’ve also taken the opportunity to hate on his slightly less moronic but also lousy brother Norv.  At Deadspin under the “why your team sucks” section for the Vikings here’s what someone said about Norv

The standard narrative on Norv Turner is that he’s a sh*tty head coach and a great coordinator. Well, it turns out that’s a lie, and that Norv sucks at EVERYTHING! Be still my heart! Norv is still riding the coattails of the 1990s Cowboys, who could have flourished with Andy Dick calling the plays. It’s 2014. The offensive strategy of “run the ball 45 times and have Michael Irvin push off everyone” is now somewhat dated.

Ha ha couldn’t happen to a nicer team than the divisional rivals the Vikings.  Hope Norv kills all your dreams up there, like his awful brother did in Chicago and how Ron still does today down at FIU.

Also – WTF kind of name is Norv, anyways?


Time for a bunch of guys to pack their shit and leave, and for some to get ready for the season. Others will hit the practice squad and wait for the inevitable injuries. Lets hear what you think about the cuts and the shape of the team in the comments.

Pre Season Game 4

Lots of things to be done in the next couple of days. Today is the last pre season game for all teams, and they need to cut from 75 down to 53 by Saturday, finalizing the rosters for the season. Looks like I might miss the game tonight, so let me know in the comments who looked good and who didn’t.

I honestly think that the coaches probably know who they are going to cut by now with the exception of one or two guys. I am really rooting for our boy Jordan Lynch to make the team, but I predict he will hit the practice squad.

So Long Palmer

Well, so much for Jordan Palmer. Cut yesterday along with Michael Ford.

This makes it a bit more interesting for my guy, Jordan Lynch. He had a pretty good exhibition game and from what I read he is (predictably) working very hard and throwing himself around. I like the run where he bulldozed the hapless Eagles DB in pre season.

He will not likely make the team this year, but should be a cinch for the practice squad. He can play special teams, and be a backup running back and qb. Not a lot of guys in the NFL with that type of flexibility. That is a good guy to have on your practice squad to call up to the team if things go south and he will be playing at a very cheap price since he was undrafted.

Pre Season Game 3

Here’s hoping for no injuries. I won’t be able to watch it tonight, so chime in and let me know what you saw in the comments.

Complex vs. Simple

Here at good ‘ol FRT we tend to try to do some deeper thinking and try to peel back the layers of the onion, so to say, when it comes to football.  Anybody can post “the Packers Suck” (and there is nothing wrong with that) but we feel we should be better than that.

I have been studying the economics of the salary cap for several months now and think I probably have a better grip on it than 99.9999999% of people walking around (maybe more).  We also tend to dip a little deeper into the nuts and bolts of college and pro football, to try to look at it from different angles.  This isn’t for everyone, and even I question our sanity at times, but there it is.

Meanwhile, the vast majority of football fans look at one thing – wins.  You are either good or bad, suck or not suck.  And honestly, there isn’t much wrong with this.  While we dig deeper here to try to figure out why, I guess it doesn’t really matter.  You either win, or you don’t.  Luck and all that be damned.

I am writing this because I saw the below on Deadspin today (NSFW) from our crack (ha!) correspondent Snoop Dogg, speaking of his mess that is the Pittsburgh Steelers last night:

And you know, Snoop is right in his own way.  We were able to analyze and breakdown Ron Turner’s nonsense, but in the end all you really needed to know is that “he sucked”.